Zagat Restaurant Guide (Toddler Edition)

I love food. 

I don't consider myself a foodie, because something sounds a little too gourmet about that and I'm no Gwenyth Paltrow (and this is no Goop!), but it is fair to say I don't like to waste my meals on food that doesn't taste good. 

I've been known to spend an absurd amount of time researching restaurants before we go on vacation. (In the meantime, I may have forgotten to book a flight once and possibly left our train tickets from Paris to Arles on the kitchen counter - in America - another time, but that's neither here nor there.) I am no longer trusted with transportation booking, but I've never lead us astray on dining options.

Shortly after I moved to New York City in 2005, I bought a Zagat Restaurant Guide and proceeded to highlight and make notes about nearly every place I ate until the book became outdated - or maybe I ran out of money. I can't remember which it was. 

So for those of you that have never looked at a hard copy of a Zagat, they look like this: 

According to my '06 edition, there is a little formula used to judge nearly every place in the city on a scale of 30 and restaurants are given a score in the categories of "food", "decor", "service" and "cost". The location, website and phone number are provided, then there is an amazing little review, "with suveyor's comments in quotes". Here's an example of the top restaurant from that year:

I never went to per se, but the description of getting a "temporary pass to heaven" for about $201 a person tells me a lot about the place. 

My life has changed a lot since I toted this tattered guide around in my purse. For starters, I generally carry a giant diaper bag instead of a handbag these days. I also don't get quite as much of a say in where I dine (we get some strong opinions from the second row). So for these reasons I decided I could use an updated version for the types of places we now frequent. Below is the roll out of this new edition, using my own surveyor (Noah), whose expert opinion you will find in quotes below.

Costco

Make sure Mom and Dad time their trip to this membership-only warehouse to coincide with "sample time". A tiny person can nearly fill up on the "yogurt, cookies... hummus, cookies, sausage, juice and cookies" lurking on nearly every aisle. "Big carts" and "toys that are too high to play on" are the name of the game at this suburban staple. If the sample sentinels get stingy be sure to beg for a slice of "pizza" and "ice cream too" on your way out the door.

Chick-Fil-A 

The "cow place" is not just for southerners these days. Often requested under the guise of "chicken" cravings, but probably loved most for their "play place" and "ice cream with sprinkles". The friendliest fast-food workers on earth will slap a disposable placemat down on your table after they carry a high chair over for your little one. They'll also move you through a line in just five minutes that would take all day at the DMV. Don't forget to check for your "surprise" (spoiler: it's usually a book) in the kid's bag.

P.F. Changs

A toddler fan favorite for their "cookies with notes" this upscale chain welcomes you with "pretend statues of one, two horses" by the front door and a memorable "waving white cat" inside. They will give you "one, two, three, four crayons" but it's "too dark to see what color" they are. The egg drop soup tastes a little "like the soup with white jello squares and seaweed from the sushi restaurant" and may require an "ice cube" upon arrival. Children's menu is limited, so you may end up paying in the mid-teens for "steak and broccoli" for your three-year-old.

Sweet Cow

Affectionately referred to as "Lucky Cow" because it's attached to one of our favorite pizza places, Luckie Pie, this local treasure has become a go-to for sugaring up kiddos so they can run around the front "lawn" (it's really astroturf) and "bounce on cows" of the inflatable variety. Mom and Dad have been known to suggest a trip after dinner and pretend it's for the kids.

My favorite surveyor is busy napping off his calories (I promise he doesn't eat ice cream every day), but he will be updating me on additions for the guide as he continues to explore various cuisines in the Denver-Boulder area over the coming months.